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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30053631">any version of you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyanneg/pseuds/hollyanneg'>hollyanneg</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tumblr prompts [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Post CDTH</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 03:14:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,662</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30053631</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyanneg/pseuds/hollyanneg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This version of him was standing in the corner at an off-campus party with Harvard pretension almost oozing out of the walls, and he was trying not to look too sulky, because he’d promised Adam he’d behave. Adam hadn’t needed to ask, actually. Ronan had planned to be on his best behavior to make up for the murder crabs.</p><p>For the prompt "are you jealous?" + "I didn't like the way they were looking at you."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tumblr prompts [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>236</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>any version of you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For Anon on Tumblr :)</p><p>This got a little more angsty than I intended! And listen, I have no idea what’s going to happen in Mister Impossible, and this fic is NOT what I’m expecting, but imagine an alternate post-CDTH future that’s a bit less terrifying lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is there any version of you that could come with me to Cambridge?”</p><p>That question was always somewhere in the back of Ronan’s mind.</p><p>Since the double-sided murder crabs had made sure no version of him could come here permanently, he was stuck with the version of himself that visited occasionally, never stepping foot on campus, never staying overnight unless it was at a “safe house” Declan had arranged for him.</p><p>This version of him was standing in the corner at an off-campus party with Harvard pretension almost oozing out of the walls, and he was trying not to look too sulky, because he’d promised Adam he’d behave. Adam hadn’t needed to ask, actually. Ronan had planned to be on his best behavior to make up for the murder crabs. It was his third visit since then, but the first time he’d seen Adam’s friends again. The Crying Club. The two times before, they’d gone off and done things entirely on their own. Ronan’s preference. Adam’s too, probably. Ronan was surprised he’d wanted to come here tonight and was apparently comfortable reintroducing his friends to the person who’d destroyed his dorm room.</p><p>There was a sixth member of the club now. Remy. They smirked when they talked about Adam saving them after they’d been dumped at a previous party and were crying in the bathroom. This version of Adam still sounded like a stranger to Ronan, and it made him just as uneasy as it had the first time.</p><p>Tonight Ronan was with the version of Adam who had no Southern accent and dressed like he’d fallen out of <em>Dead Poets Society</em>, but at least he’d stayed close to Ronan all night. Currently he had his hand lightly resting on the small of Ronan’s back, and that was all that was tethering Ronan to Earth at the moment.</p><p>He couldn’t tell, based on their attitudes, if Adam had ever come clean with The Crying Club about his background, but they all seemed uncomfortable with Ronan’s presence at the party. Like they were expecting another disaster, wondering if he was going to burn down this house or something. Fletcher knew at least some of the truth and had probably passed that along to the others. Ronan could just imagine their conversations. <em>Adam, why are you still with that guy after what he did? Adam, he’s clearly dangerous. Adam, he lives in Virginia, it’s not going to last anyway. Adam, he’s a dropout for God’s sake.</em></p><p>He was biting his lip to keep his frustration and insecurity off his face.</p><p>And meanwhile, Remy was hitting on his boyfriend.</p><p>Remy, aside from being queer and wearing studded leather, was exactly what Ronan had imagined Harvard douchebags being like. They were extensively discussing Foucault’s theories on power, whatever that meant. They weren’t letting anyone else get a word in edgewise.</p><p>But in between the pretentious intellectual talk, it was, “Adam, god, where did you get that shirt? It looks so great on you.” And “Adam, you look like you need a drink refill! Want me to get it? Your boyfriend is falling down on the job.” And “Adam, you have some lint on your jacket, let me get it”—which led to them getting all the way into Adam’s personal space and practically kissing his ear to get the alleged lint.</p><p>The one saving grace was that Ronan was pretty sure The Crying Club weren’t thrilled about Remy joining their ranks. Ronan noticed Gillian and Fletcher exchanging eye-rolls behind Remy’s back at some of the things they said. Eliot made eye contact with Ronan the third time Remy touched Adam’s arm. Eliot offered Ronan half a smile, like, <em>sorry this sucks for you</em>.</p><p>And yet. They still might think Remy was worthier of Adam Parrish than Ronan was.</p><p>Ronan had barely been in the conversation at all, but he withdrew further and further, and when Remy finally paused for breath, Adam turned and looked at Ronan, smiling a bit. “You’re beyond ready to get out of here, aren’t you?”</p><p>They left. Ronan breathed a long sigh of relief as soon as they stepped back outside.</p><p>And Adam laughed. “You really hated it that much?”</p><p>“It would’ve been tolerable,” he said honestly, “if that Remy person would’ve shut up for a minute.”</p><p>“Remy does talk a lot,” said Adam. He didn’t sound like he thought it was a bad thing.</p><p>They were walking down the street to where Ronan had parked the BMW.</p><p>“It’s kind of too bad, though,” Adam continued, “because I think the others were really hoping to get to know you better tonight.”</p><p>Ronan snorted. He doubted it. “But then Remy wouldn’t have been able to tell you how hot you are in your clothes and <em>how beautiful your eyes look in this light, Adam</em>.” He did a half-hearted impression of Remy’s New England accent.</p><p>They hadn’t actually said that. It had been something about Adam’s blue eyes matching Remy’s blue sweater or some bullshit.</p><p>Adam stopped walking and looked at Ronan quizzically. “Oh,” he said. “Are you jealous?”</p><p>Ronan felt himself flush. Thank fuck it was dark outside. He kicked at a pebble on the sidewalk. He didn’t feel like fully admitting or denying it. “I didn’t like the way they were looking at you,” he mumbled.</p><p>They started walking again. Adam waited until they were in the car and Ronan was starting it to say, “You know that even if Remy liked me—”</p><p>“If,” Ronan snorted.</p><p>Adam glared at him, but there was no heat to it. “—it wouldn’t matter. Tell me you know that.”</p><p>“How would it not matter?” Ronan asked. He took backing out of his parking space as an excuse not to look at Adam.</p><p>“Because I don’t feel the same way, obviously!” Adam sounded exasperated. They drove in silence for a minute or two before Adam said, “Is there something else going on here? Do you feel like our relationship... isn’t solid or something?”</p><p>Ronan didn’t. The distance was killer, especially now that he knew there was nothing he could do about it. But he was pretty sure Adam still loved him, and he was 1000% sure he’d always love Adam.</p><p>He still didn’t want to say all that, so he shrugged.</p><p>“How could you be jealous if you... Is this some kind of twisted guilt? That can’t be right.” Adam was halfway talking to himself.</p><p>“The fuck, Parrish? No. It’s just, this is getting harder and harder.” He meant the distance and the stark differences between their lives. That’s what fed the jealousy, clearly. But they’d work through it.</p><p>“You were barely there tonight. Super withdrawn,” Adam said, still to himself. “You weren’t even happy to see me when you got here earlier.”</p><p>He had been—of course. He just hadn’t given a particularly enthusiastic or physical greeting because The Crying Club had been present for that, too.</p><p>Adam started talking to him again. “If there’s something going on, please tell me.”</p><p>He wished Adam would just drop the subject. “I don’t wanna have this conversation right now,” he said.</p><p>Adam’s voice changed. It had gone eerily emotionless. “You think there’s a better time? When you’re hundreds of miles away again? Instead of when we’re face to face?”</p><p>Ronan kept driving silently. The safe house was 15 or 20 minutes away. If Adam was going to make him talk about his stupid jealousy, at least it could wait until then. So they drove on in silence.</p><p>The safe house was a posh townhouse in Cambridge that Declan had rented from someone he knew. Inside it was garishly white, everything sleek and modern. Ronan hated it. What a perfect setting for a tense conversation with his boyfriend.</p><p>Adam was standing by the front door, frozen. Ronan turned to look at him, to try to prepare himself for the conversation. But even in the dim light, it was obvious that Adam’s eyes were wet. He wasn’t full-on crying—he didn’t often—but it was there. Coming.</p><p>Ronan walked back to him, reached out, but Adam shook his head and stepped back, leaning against the door. He closed his eyes.</p><p>“Okay. Okay,” said Ronan. “I really upset you. Shit.”</p><p>“What did you expect?” Adam asked a bit hoarsely.</p><p>“I honestly didn’t realize it was such a big deal.” Ronan chewed on his leather bracelets nervously.</p><p>Adam opened his eyes again and frowned at Ronan. “Not a big deal? How could it not--? Are we even talking about the same thing?”</p><p>God, Ronan was confused. “I’m talking about me being stupidly jealous of Remy. What are you talking about?”</p><p>“You trying to break up with me,” said Adam.</p><p>Ronan had to take a second with that. He examined his boyfriend’s face. Adam was not joking at all. “Why the fuck would you think that? That’s the last thing I would do.”</p><p>Adam hid his face behind his hand and let out a sound that was either a laugh or a sob. “You promise?” he asked quietly.</p><p>“Obviously.” Ronan pulled Adam into a hug, not letting him dodge it this time. “Why did you think that?” he asked again. “You’re too smart to be that dumb.”</p><p>“‘It’s getting harder and harder. I don’t want to talk about this now.’ Those sounded like hints.” Adam’s voice was muffled into his shoulder.</p><p>“No. Fuck, Adam. No, kind of the opposite—I’m afraid of someone stealing you away. That’s what I was grumpy about.”</p><p>“Oh.” Finally, Adam sounded happy and relieved. “Oh, okay. Well that’s not gonna happen either. Do you really think there are two Ronan Lynches in the world?”</p><p>A warm, pleasant feeling was spreading inside Ronan, so his voice came out light and amused. “Thought you might get tired of the Ronan Lynch bullshit eventually.”</p><p>Adam snorted. He hadn’t let go or lifted his head from Ronan’s shoulder. “Amazingly, no, it doesn’t look like I’m ever going to get tired of that.”</p>
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